Barber

just got back from a haircut. no. i just got back from THE haircut. dude & wife barbershop. i walk in, and ask how much. i had heard rumors of 2,000 yen haircuts. not here, baby! 3,000-4,000 yen, he tells me. shit! $35 haircuts? my first paycheck doesn't come for another month, i just paid $2000 for a car, and the $2000 company loan (with 1% intrest.... nice...) i took out still hasn't come in! and now i'm going to pay $35 for a haircut. this was a first for me. they ask me where i'm from. i say 'huh'? they ask again. they're using the ultimate humble crazy conjugation or something, because it just sounds like koobity-kabbitu to me. but i venture a guess, and ask, in the simple informal, 'where am i from'? 'yeaaah' they answer. i tell them the schpeil. i'm Hoping that they will get the picture and drop the complicated forms, because i'm talking like a freaking baby here. i mention that where i come from a haircut is about $13. that interested them a bit. but no, i'm not getting a haircut, i'm getting.... well....
he starts cutting the hair, meticulously going over every strand on my head, to make sure it's perfectly even. then he combs my head with this rubber thing, like some head massage or something. then more cutting. more. more. took so long. then out comes the straight blade. shaves the neck. gels my face and puts a hot towel on. ok, he's going to shave my face. cool. right?

understatement. he shaves my ears. then behind my ears. then he lathers up my forehead wait wait, wtf! and shaves my frigging forehead, then my temples, my eyebrows, and my nose! then he shaves what we'll call the lower part of my face. then he goes back to the nose. i'm like, what the heeell he's gonna cut off my face i just know it. shaving is done. brushes me off. for like 2 or 3 minutes. wants to get every hair i guess. then it gets really interesting.

does my hair with some alcohol based stuff, and goes crazy scratching, patting, combing, ruffling, slapping splashing EVERY SINGLE VERB to my head. then he starts punching and slapping and karate chopping everything above my neck. then he gives me two super karate chops to each shoulder. i'm like, what the mother frak is this!? it all hurt, but afterwards i felt so awake and refreshed. 'Masaji' he tells me. yeah, sure was.

so. $36 haircut. fun! before i could leave they had to tell me how great my hair was, and wanted pictures. crazy time.